4.15.2007

Part Relieved, Part Distraught, Completely Unmotivated

So, I've got a little problem currently.

A few months back, I was set on what I wanted to do, I knew what I wanted to do, and was just working on getting there. A few things came in the way and I adjusted fire and everything was looking good.

Well, suddenly, things aren't looking so bright anymore. I'm frustrated with school and feel like I'm not learning what i need to learn with my current program. Suddenly I realized that school isn't working. I'm not learning anything, and furthermore, when I'm not having a good day, I tend to get into a mindset where I just don't care anymore. And with the events of the last few days, and heck, over the last week, I've realized that I'm just, well, bleh. I don't care. I'm not motivated. I don't know what I want anymore.

Good news is my foot should be completely healed in four weeks, and I can work on it as much as I am comfortable. Just no heavy running or jumping or other forms of impact on it. Sounds good. Which makes that it is a good thing that I'm going to DSS in July instead of May, I wouldn't be ready.

Strange, right now Drill Sergeant School is the only thing I'm realy motivated about. School is no longer keeping my interest and I've got this feeling that I'm going to be stuck working a mediocre job for the rest of my life if I don't get my attention focused again.

I think I need to call about that one job again. Find out where that's going.

And maybe, just maybe, I can find a way to recover some of the info on my two hard drives that won't end up busting my bank.

But strangely, a part of me feels relieved that the information is gone.

Another part is a little distraught.

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