Starting to feel like I'm getting productive again, though I have a lot of projects around the house that I want to get done. If I get to them or not, who knows? My goal is to have a lot of them done by a week from Tuesday.

1) Garden:
I have a garden, supposedly. It's mostly just dirt and weeds right now, and it is a project that I am constantly wanting to work on. Unfortunately, this has been one heck of a year in coming to terms with the seasons, spring lasted all of a couple of weeks as we had snowfall into May. I never got around to planting the dang thing, (I also blame pregnancy) so this will likely be a trial year with it. I think I'm going to do more research next year, on top of all the critters in my area that will likely plague it. Mainly, deer, birds and the horses when they get out.

We planted strawberries and raspberries as well, all but two raspberry bushes died, the strawberries appear to be holding on but not growing.

2) Chicken Coop:
I bought 12 baby chicks and had three hens (two got picked off so I'm now down to one) and I got the chicks, now Pullets, in the chicken tractor. it is not made for 12 chickens, so I need to get a coop for them, as well as an area set aside for them to peck and dig away at. We got the area we want for them, now we need to fence it off and get a hen house for them. I found one on craigslist, i just need to get it home, it's an old coop that is nothing special, but I don't need anything fancy.

3) CDs:
I got a gob of CDs from my time working at hastings and getting them on discount. Now I want to burn them all to my hard drive and sell them back to Hastings for cash or credit, still debating on what I would rather have (get more for credit). I will hang on to a couple that I can listen to at any given moment of course, like Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill and a few staple CDs like that, but this is an ongoing task.

4) Pictures:
Getting ready for a reunion at the end of July with the Ericksons, and I've been tasked with the slide show. Which means going back into the archives of time and putting all of these hard copies of pics into Digital means so we can share. Doesn't THAT sound like fun?

5) Baby Area:
We got to figure out which extra bedroom gets to go to the kidling. We got two extra bedrooms, both of which are in use right now, and the dilemma of having to much junk. Good thing the squirt will be squirt sized for a while and we have time on this one.

6) Yard Sale!:
We're having a yard sale this weekend, weather permitting. I just need to go through my treasure trove of junk and get rid of a bunch of it. Or find a home for it on the walls or what not.

7) Studio:
I have a room, designated as a space that Gus has allowed me to have for my art and other means, that needs to be organized. Desperately. Right now it is a chaotic mess and always has been. This would go in hand with up above. I have a strong desire to get organized in my life, with little to no motivation to making it happen.

Those are some of the current projects I have lined up, now the question is, will they ever happen or am I just fooling myself? Did Gus have any idea what he was getting himself into when he asked me to marry him? I don't think he really did :P


Back To School!

I've got about a year where the army says other then my weekend drill, they aren't doing anything with me. Of course. I did have a plan to go to some kind of Annual Training, but that got nixed on account of the whole pregnancy thing, and by extension, me being on a temporary profile, and temporary profiles are the scourge of Army Reservists.

Thinking of other things to do, so it set me to plan B. Finding a job. Well, finding something that I can do from home. I've kind of got this photography thing going, or at least trying to in an oversaturated market for photographers, and I really don't see that as a stable source of income (though I'll likely keep doing it just for fun, and the added bonus of having something come in) and with gas prices and el Pregnento issue, well, I'm not really feeling the whole going back to work a retail gig. And then there was that fiasco the other day with considering an online business, but I'm not digging that specific route, though this is probably the way I'll eventually go so I can stay at home and tend to the kidling for their first couple years of life at least. Unless I get deployed, though I wouldn't mind the money, but I'm trying to avoid that at the moment due to my priority being the munchkin.

Which brings me to plan c, which hopefully will eventually go back to Plan B. Getting myself the skills necessary to get a decent job. That means going back to school.

In a perfect world, I would do the full time gig of going to an actual campus. This is not a perfect world, so I'm going to try the online thing, again. Love it. Ever since I got my AA from the community college oh so many years ago, I've been flirting from one college to another trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up, which I apparently still haven't done. My attempt to get some more education since my AA has also not been the most straightforward, and at times has gotten expensive. You can blame that on me and my indecisiveness. I've gone a variety of online routes, an attempt to get a computer animator degree when I realized this was a pipe dream and in no way marketable, I decided to go a different direction. Last year I started thinking about getting a health science degree, I can't even remember the full term which tells you how well I stuck with it. I wasn't impressed with the offerings of that particular college, and during this last drill, a mandatory fun day with the unit, they had another college there. I still have tuition assistance, so i decided, hey, why not? They looked like they had some interesting offerings.

Now the question is, what exactly do I want to get my degree in? I keep leaning on education, though I don't know if I could teach a lot of young kids without wanting to blow my brains out at the end of the day. I can take kids in small doses (and I'm going to have my own, which will ALWAYS be there, this does freak me out) but I'm looking at other alternatives, such as a business degree, they have one for eMarketing and Entrepreneurship (don't laugh if I misspelled that) which would assist in my desire to work from the home with a home based business (my ultimate goal) but also looking at other options in case that doesn't pan out and I'm forced to go into working outside the home to help support the family. That might be a possibility so I'm willing to accept it if necessary. We're just trying to avoid day care if at all possible, I don't want to work to afford day care, you know? No thank you. Besides, I'd rather not have other people raising my kids. They'll get plenty of that in public school as it is (which I'm dreading).

Of course, there is always Healthcare. Definitely something I'm leaning towards, as there will always be a demand for healthcare.

But really, the question is what exactly do I want to do? Mostly I got to get something that can keep my scatterbrained attention span and interest so I don't feel like I'll get partway into this degree and change my mind like I'm apparently prone to doing. So, question is, what now?

Well, as long as the Army is paying, might as well get a degree. If nothing else, it's nice to have a Bachelor's when I go after a Job on the economy, if nothing else, it can make me more marketable at least.


Mom Blog Time! - Pregnancy So Far

When one is pregnant, it seems like your entire life revolves around the fact that you are pregnant. I actually knew I was pregnant at about three and a half weeks, and had it confirmed at four. I was out of town, but I wondered if it was to early to go get a pee stick to see if I was or not. So I kind of didn't say anything for about four days, woke up early Tuesday morning in the beginning of March, snuck into the bathroom, and whizzed on a stick. I came back pregnant.

As soon as I got that, I headed to the Airforce Base to have it confirmed, because it's free there, being an Airforce Spouse. They did a blood draw and I went home, to my husband still in bed (he was working swings and got home late) asking me where I went. I just told him I had to run an errand until I got the phone call a little later, yep! I was! When I got that news, Gus knew. I was actually planning on getting pregnant about this time of year if we hadn't gotten pregnant already, but if it didn't happen when it did, I don't know when it would have because Gus's schedule has been all over the place. So I guess the kidling was going to come when it was going to happen, otherwise it might have been a while. I guess things happen for a reason.

I actually sat on this news for about a month, I told my horse friends because I wasn't riding as much as usual and they just seemed to find out. I didn't want to out and say it, because after the last time, miscarrying, well, even at seven weeks, after knowing for two weeks, it wasn't fun. About a month after it happened, I had people still coming up and congratulating me since they hadn't heard the news that I had miscarried and it kind of stung. Their intentions were good, but it just kind of dug the pain in a little more. I wanted to make sure this time it stuck before I made the formal announcement to the world.

My family finally got the official word in April, when I was about nine weeks along, a couple siblings knew, but everyone else was excited for me. I made the formal announcement on Facebook at about twelve weeks, and as of tomorrow, I'll be seventeen weeks along. I think I felt the quickening, in fact the first time I thought I felt something was at about thirteen weeks, though that is insanely early and it's just been here and there. I'm starting to feel it more and more. We'll likely find out the gender in the beginning of July.

I'm going through a couple Nurse Midwives, going through a hippy phase I guess :P, just because I want to try to go natural. Going natural might be permanent birth control for me too, who knows? I may never want to have another baby after this, but our goal is two. We'll see how up I am for that after I've dealt with an infant for a few months, as we have discovered getting pregnant appears to NOT be a problem. I just knew for whatever reason I was super fertile, and I've never been on any hormones or birth control or any of that. I think in a lot of ways that has kept me pretty healthy. After baby number two comes along, one of us is going to have to get fixed or I have a feeling infants will keep coming, and as exciting as pregnancy is, after the scare with my first miscarriage, I've taken it easy with what kind of activities I do. I really would like to have a life again and do stuff. I feel like I can't do squat right now. We went on a motorcycle ride, I felt ever bump in my uterus.

Can't wait to meet you, babe. Though I do fear losing my independence.


To Good To Be True?

I went to this workshop today in regards to starting an online business through an online company that has apparently gotten some poor reviews in the past. Alright, I'll just out and say it, it's a company called StoresOnline.com, perhpase you've heard of it? Now, I consider myself a fairly saavy person when it comes to the internets, but I really need to do some research on this kind of thing and I am grateful to have a partner that can kindly (or forcefully) tell me to just walk away. Being Ms. Impulse, I do need that and marriage has helped me at that, he's not nearly as impulsive as I am.

In short, about a month ago my mom got this letter in the mail asking about this little workshop and I agreed to go with her, mostly to get the information to see if I can use it. I thought they had some good information so I went ahead and got a seat at the all day workshop for today. To be honest, I'm glad I went to it, I still think there was some good information, and if done wisely I can turn around and do my own research on it and use it. I don't know if I will or not now, that remains to be seen, but I will also admit they had smooth talking salesman and using the infamous pitch of 'buy it now for this one time offer', which Gus is leary about. That's the main reason he wanted me to walk away, to him that's a warning sign.

It was also a warning sign initially for me by how much they were asking for the product. At first the sticker shock made me go "ouch". But then, if I did the right research before hand, I could have better phrased how much it is really worth to me.

To be fair to the company, I think the right person with the right skills could take their business opportunities and be successful at it. The problem is that a lot of people who aren't in a position to build their own business and don't have the technical know how to make it successful often get duped into it and end up putting in a lot more time money and effort into the whole affair and end up feeling scammed. I almost fell for it, but I insisted I had to talk to my business partner first, because it did seem like a good investment opportunity and I probably could make it work if I could get over my motivation or lack thereof at times. He wasn't buying it, I tried to sell him, he talked me out of it. It's a good thing I'm not a sales person, I will never be a sales person, but the business model does sound like a good idea if I can get to that point.

Anyway, long story short, I'm only out a little money and the day for today's workshop where it could have been a lot more, but I still got some good info out of it so maybe in the long run I could find some kind of business opportunity, try to get back into blogging (well, you can see how that's going), get some kind of internet presence once more, I just need to learn how to market. They did stress over and over they weren't selling a business in a box or it wasn't a get rich quick scheme, and a lot of the negative reviews on websites seemed to be from disgruntled customers who didn't know what they were doing in the first place (though a lot appeared legit as well). I do still want to find something to do to bring in a little extra income into the house other then doing my weekend warrior stint and finding myself working retail. I'm a traditional, I would like to do something where I could work from the home.

I guess I'll find a way to go back to school instead. Hmm. . . guess I've never been one to work on my own business opportunities. Could go to school for business, but I don't know if I'm the entrepeneur type.


Thoughts On Genderless Children

NOTE - This post is very personal and draws from my own experiences and the outcomes of those experiences. It also explains a lot about what kind of person I am and why I am who I am.

Ok, me being me lately, I have not been all that motivated to jump online and comment on recent events like I used to. I was once a blogging fanatic, but that has changed with me getting married and the destractions that come along with it, to include my current pregnancy. And Facebook, which I promised my husband I would take a week long sabatical from, just to prove I don't need it. As I type this, I'm wondering if that's the quickening I've felt. I'm not even seventeen weeks along, but it certainly doesn't feel like the digestive track. Is the baby doing jumping jacks in there? Or is that just my small intestine? HOW DO I KNOW IF IT'S THE BABY??? I've felt things before and wondered, but I'm told it's to soon for my first pregnancy (to this point at least)

So anyway, about a week and a half ago, there was this big controversy with this >Canandian couple that decided to raise their child as Genderless, the story of which has died down. Me, being the conservative person that I am, you might think I might jump on this story as most others of conservative persuasion might and think of how wrong this couple is to raise this child with no set standards of gender identity, in affect, letting the child choose how it would like to identify themself when they come of age. And in a sense, I am inclined to think that the child does need to know that they are a boy or a girl from an early age.

However, believe it or not, I kind of get where these parents are coming from.

You see, growing up, I preferred to see myself as Genderless without realizing at the time what that meant. I didn't want to necessarily be a boy, but I didn't see myself as a girl. I hated playing dress up, I couldn't stand ribbons and lace, I didn't like wearing my hair down and if I could, I would have fought tooth and nail as my mother forced me to dress for church on sunday, but as soon as we were home, I was in my jeans playing out in the dirt. The only thing remotely girly I played with was My Little Pony, and not because it was girly, but because they were animals. I could play with animals all day long, in fact whenever my siblings played house, I was the cat. When my best friends (twins) and I played together anything along the girly lines of mom, dad and baby, we did it with animals and I was always the baby, who was always an it. No, not a boy or a girl, an it. Why did the baby need a gender? I didn't know, I certainly didn't care.

As I grew older, I did go through a bit of an identity crisis in regards to figuring myself out, as going through puberty, unlike some girls, I was horrified when it became more obvious that I was no longer a kid and was growing into a woman. I had my period before my older sister, what was up with that? I swear that fate was out to get me. I can often see where people who have gender confusion come from, I have never necessarily seen myself as being male though, asexual would be a more proper term for me. I have wondered about my sexuality at times, wondering if I was more inclined to like girls then boys, but, well, as you can see, that was a phase I went through, mostly in my late teens early twenties. At the time, I wondered if I was perhaps Bisxexual, but no, Asexual was more of a fitting term for me. I can't imagine having sex with a girl, sorry. I did go through this awkward phase because of my asexuality and denial of my gender that lasted from, oh, eleven until twenty six or so. This whole issue of trying to figure out who I am is part of the reason why I joined a traditionally non-female job field of the military. I still am very much down to earth and with me, what you see is what you get. At least I try to be that way. I have never really tried to fit into gender norms, I have always been, well, me. Sometimes I identify better with guys then other girls, but not always. Guys are sexual beasts, and me? Not so much.

However, as you can see now, I am definitely a girl, I am happily married, to a guy who is a great guy bytheway, and I'm currently pregnant, something I wondered if it would ever happen to me. I really did have to meet the right person, and I'm grateful I met a guy who loves me for who I am and has been so patient with me with the whole insanity of married life. I am excited at the prospect of being a mother, and I want my kids to be who they are, I don't want to force them to be something they are not, and certainly if I have a daughter who hates anything girly like I did, I'm not going to force it on her (well, except for Sundays at church). However, if she's miss Princess Frilly Fru-Fru with Ribbons and Lace, well, I'm just going to be wondering where she gets it from, because she certainly didn't get it from me (or Gus for that matter). However, that's Ok too (and my family jokes that I'm going to have a total girl if I have a daughter, just to spite me). I want my kids to be who they are, but they will also have a knowledge of WHAT they are. Just because I saw myself as genderless doesn't change the fact that I'm a girl.

So, back to this family that is choosing to raise their child as genderless, and their two older boys with their asexual names of Jazz, Kio and Storm. Jazz of course, being five, chooses what he wants to wear and how he likes his hair. In fact, he wears his hair much the same as I did when I was that age. He looks like a cute kid, but at first glance, he also looks like a girl. At his age of five, I don't know what his schooling is like, he doesn't seem to care much, but something I have discovered with my experiences of wishing to be genderless and forced to be a girl is that I am grateful now that I knew from a young age that I was indeed a girl. If my parents had raised me, a truly genderless child to be genderless without a knowledge of my identity but knowing what boys and girls are, I would have been horrified to discover that I was indeed a girl. At that age, I would have been more inclined to act like a boy then a girl. I thought girl stuff was stupid. I played with Ninja Turtles and mutliated barbie dolls. My stuffed animals played war and I was better bonded to my brother and male cousins then my sisters and female cousins, and the ones I did hang out with were always younger then me. I didn't chase boys, I barely noticed them.

If Storm is anything like I was, that poor kid when it becomes obvious what they are. The parents aren't doing that kid a favor by letting them choose their gender because it doesn't matter what they decide they are, when they discover what they really are, they are going to be disappointed if they are opposite of how they decide to see themselves. If that little baby starts identifying as a girl and discovers later that he's a boy, or vice versa, they are going to face a lot of stigma in life and probably become confused with their sexuality which will lead to problems with depression later. Believe me, my depression in my early twenties stemmed greatly from my gender confusion. There is nothing wrong with telling that kid what he or she is, and so they understand the biology of what they are, because nothing is going to change about that. Sure, you can hack off your penis and get a sex change and call yourself a girl, but I honestly think transgendered people are often times just very confused about their identity. It's not going to solve a lot of issues down the road. This poor kid, I hope for their sake that they go by nature versus nurture and take their natural gender role because nothing is worse for a genderless child then to go through puberty. Why? Because I went through puberty. Being genderless is fun until your gender decides to give you a kick upside the head that no, you are not an it. And hacking off my breasts and removing my uterus would not have solved the problem. I think that would have compounded the problem for me, it would have probably driven me further into depression.

Honestly, I think the best thing these parents can do for their kids is to let them know what they are, including Baby Storm, but continuing to allow their children to be who they are. Trust me, you think you are helping your kids out by giving them the freedom to decide but you're not. If human beings were born genderless and got to choose their own gender at puberty it would be a whole lot easier. But Biology is a part of who we are. It is not the same as Sexuality, which I think is what these parents are trying to do for their kids, but a child still needs to know their biology. It's not a matter of casting society's views on what gender roles should be, it's for the child's own sanity that they understand what gender roles are. If they identify with one gender and discover they are the other, they will be in a heap of trouble. It will be interesting to see if this experiment continues or if Storm just finds out on their own long before then. Maybe we can do a case study and Jazz, Kio and Storm in twenty years to see how they turn out.

So in Summary, what am I trying to say here? Being Genderless is fun and all, as a kid. There is no such thing as a genderless teenager. I know. I tried to be one. It didn't work, and this is from somebody who's Nature is Genderless with a parent that was Nurturing me as a girl. It just led to confusion and depression. Save the kid a lot of trouble, just tell them what they are and then let them be themselves. If they are truly genderless, you will probably know in time. If you think as a parent that you should condone their genderlessness, that is up to you. But chances are, Baby Storm is going to act on their own Nature and if they are a boy, chances are he's going to just be a boy. If she's a girl, she'll act like a girl. If Storm falls into their gender role, it's not going to make much of a difference to tell them what they are at that time. For the kid's sake, I hope that's what happens for them.

Rambly much? Probably. Remember, I'm pregnant, a lot of what I write doesn't make much sense.